"Legacy," My Life and Human Stupidity

I don't remember the first time I ever heard "Legacy" by Nichole Nordeman. I only know that from the first time I heard it, it clicked with me. I knew that that was EXACTLY how I wanted to be remembered. In "Legacy," Ms. Nordeman says that she wants to leave a legacy to be remembered as one who chose to love and pointed to God enough to make a mark on things; to be remembered as a child of mercy and grace who blessed God's name unapologetically. That is exactly how I want to be perceived. I want people to know that I am a child of God. I want them to know that I am a happily--no ecstatically--married woman who was blessed enough to marry the man of my dreams. I want people to know that I am a mother, and I love my children VERY much and I thank God for them every single day of my life and will continue to do so forever. So here's the thing: while I am sure that people are well aware of my marital and motherhood status, I am not sure that I let God shine through enough for people to know that I am a Christian woman. It's hard to reflect that in my profession where I can get into trouble just for mentioning His name--thank the Good Lord that I don't work in a climate where people would really complain if I did! It's hard for me to decide to get up and go to church on Sunday mornings and it's harder still for me to stick around on a Wednesday evening--getting home much later than usual on a day that I was probably already tired and worn out from a long day at work. I just want to sit home and relax after my stressful day or week. Sunday mornings make a great time for sleeping in, and my alarm clock and I have been arch nemeses for as long as I can remember. The problem with that is, what kind of example am I setting for my children? First, there's the whole church issue. We are members of a wonderful small church with a preacher whom I love dearly and is somewhat like a grandfather to me. He is the one who baptized me, performed my wedding ceremony, and presided over the dedication of both my children. He has been a comfort in times of grief and a sounding board for worrisome and exciting times. There's only two problems: (1) It is an older congregation and the (count them) two other couples even close to our age (one a couple years older and one a few years younger) never talk to us. (2) While I love our church dearly, it is not satisfying my family's needs. In children's church, my children play with Play-Dough the whole time and barely discuss the Bible or its teachings that I have seen. So enter church #2. A couple of years ago, my sister befriended someone who got her to start going to his church and--long story short--eventually my entire family wound up going there from time to time. This was wonderful and addicting! I had never had the pleasure of routinely going to church with my family as that's just not something we did when I was growing up. Oh, I went with friends all the time--and pretty regularly, even hopping a church bus and going by myself for about two years between third through fifth grade, but I never got to go with my parents and siblings. So this church is great. It has my family (now only on a "sometimes" basis), it had people my age (or close enough) and they TALKED to us! Even with the people our age gone to another church, there are my sister's friends, whom we get along with and will talk to us. Best of all, when Bree comes out of children's church, she usually has something to show that she did in class and she learns something! Suddenly a child who had never really discussed God with us before started discussing Him in the van on the way home! Not to mention that this church plays more contemporary music (not from hymnals like ours does) and Corey enjoys it more and I can tell that he enjoys this church more, even without having to tell me, but will go wherever I say we go because he wants me happy. The only problem: I was afraid to change, even knowing that church #2 was a better fit for us. So I went into a stalemate. I couldn't decide which church to go to, so I didn't go to either. On the rare occasions that we go to church, it's mostly to church #2. About a year and a half ago, I finally realized that since our church wasn't meeting our needs that we should go to church #2 most often, although I still couldn't bring myself to officially change our membership. It just seemed too permanent and I did NOT want to imagine the look of disappointment on my preacher's (or his wife's) face when they had to send our membership information over to the new church. It just broke my heart to think about it. So a few months ago, I finally got myself talked into deciding to take the plunge and switch churches. I mean, we've only been to our church maybe once or twice in the last year after all. Then I get a text from my sister informing me that the preacher at church #2 is leaving. One of the things I LOVE about our church is that they've had the same preacher for 30 years--and he has no plans of ever leaving or retiring until the Good Lord calls him Home. Preachers moving is one reason why I quit one church when I was a child. To some degree, I guess you could say that I don't like change. I never cared for substitute teachers when I was a kid and I don't like having to get used to a new preacher. So now I'm stuck. I guess I can try to stick it out and see if I like the new preacher--who knows, it could happen. So what kind of legacy am I leaving? Do people know that I am a child of God? Most importantly, do my children?? I pray that they do, and that, despite my human stupidity and laziness, they will know Him and love Him the same way I do; the same way that Corey does. I pray that I am setting a good example and being a good, strong role model for both my husband and my children as well as everyone else I encounter. But I just don't know. I'm working on it. Please pray with me on this.